3.27.18 The Price of Patience

I keep praying for guidance in finding my true purpose. Or at least the path to it. I’ve gotten nothing except the command to be patient.

I feel so aimless. This hurts my pride. I realized while praying that I desired direction to act on in part to make me feel less useless. I truly do desire to do God‘s will for me. But there is still a type of selfishness and priority of ego that lingers in me. Just not wanting to look like a lazy fool with no ambition.

Why does this bother me so much when I know that God knows what is in my heart? Why do I still want so badly to forge ahead when God keeps telling me to be still? It’s because as much as I revere Him, I still want to be working toward something that makes me feel worthwhile.

I am still seeking self importance. When will I be free of this spirit of self-righteousness?