On New Year’s Day, I had a great, long talk with the man in my life. We talked about a lot of things. It was one of those talks where y’all weave in & out of different topics seamlessly and it just flows in a really dope, cohesive manner. I live for those talks.
Anyway, one of the things we talked about was our relationship and the way we love one another. This relationship is about as unconventional as they come. It’s been an adjustment coming to understand what we share as it morphs and grows because it isn’t like any relationship I’ve ever seen. Plus trying to “figure out” and categorize something is pretty difficult to do when it’s always changing. The changes don’t bother me. It’s one of the things I love about us. How much we grow through relating to each other and how we can pretty much shape shift into whatever we need to be to one another naturally because of how strong the love and reverence we have for each other is .
We talked about the changes our relationship had undergone and how we felt about them. It challenged me think about my beliefs and desires surrounding relationships in general (as I’m always doing). In late 2015 we went from being boyfriend and girlfriend to being…something else. I remember feeling like we were about to transition out of that chapter and it scared me. What scared me more was that I was anticipating this transition. I loved him still, but that relationship dynamic didn’t fit us anymore and I didn’t like how I felt while still operating in it. I wasn’t being disrespected or done wrong, or any of those things. So why didn’t being his girlfriend feel good anymore? It was because I was entering a phase of my life where playing that particular role in his life didn’t resonate with who I was becoming. And the same thing was happening to him.
I struggled with the truth of my feelings because I was afraid that once we “broke up” (you’ll see in a bit why that term is in quotation marks), our relationship would dissolve. So I was conflicted. I felt myself wanting things to change, but not understanding how I could possibly want that when to me, it inevitability meant the end of us. And I definitely didn’t want us to end. So eventually we had a very open, honest conversation and we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. I wasn’t surprised when it happened because I’d felt it coming. What did surprise me was how I felt. There were no tears. No heartache. I felt as if a weight had been lifted off of me. I felt…good. “This doesn’t feel like an ending” I told him. “That’s because it’s not” he said.
So we continued learning, growing, and just having a lot of fun with each other. Our relationship had definitely changed. We were much more involved with our individual lives than we had been before, but we still had this strong connection & we nurtured it with care and love in the ways the felt right to us. I spent 2016 sorting through my feelings (sometimes clumsily and with insecurity) about what it meant that we were carrying on this relationship so informally. He didn’t (and still doesn’t) feel like a boyfriend to me. But he’s always there for me when I need him. We have a great deal of respect for one another. We can always be open and always are honest with each other. We learn from each other, we spend time and have fun together. He helps me and does nice things for me. He makes me laugh and smile. He’s my family.
We’re a fixture in each other’s lives. We could never “break up” with each other, even when our relationship shifted out of being a formal courtship. Nothing broke. We just changed. Our needs changed. Our lives changed. We went from working towards a future as a couple to working towards our futures individually and still honoring the bond we share. It’s what we needed, so it’s what we’ve created.
There’s a deep devotion to loving one another without being obligated to one another. That’s a weird concept to grasp when you’ve been socialized to believe the measure of someone’s love for you is determined by the titles you give one another and the status that comes with that.
Side note: I personally don’t believe titles are useless or that they don’t matter. I think they don’t hold much importance for some and I think some people use that bit to be manipulative. Titles and status do mean something in the world we live in. To what degree and how their intended use manifests depends on the people.
From an astrological perspective, it’s worth noting we both share heavy Sagittarius influence when it comes to love. Both our natal Venus is there along with other planets, including his moon sign. Sagittarius loves freedom, philosophy, intellectual growth & expansion. It’s a mutable sign that thrives on change. The nature of our relationship reflects who each of us are, both individually and as a unit. And I like that about us. Yet with us both being Scorpio suns, a fixed sign, with all the changing we do, the love sticks. No matter what.
In that conversation we had on New Years Day we talked about where we started and how we got to where we are now. He talked about how we started out seeking companionship, but our relationship has expanded, helping each of us understand unconditional love in such a dynamic way. Not just in conjunction with one another, but in life, period. You could say we got more than we bargained for. Love manifests between us beyond what we can expect or plan. And we honor that.
As deeply as I feel called to share my truth, it isn’t that easy for me to be so open about all of this. It opens me up to being viewed a certain way by people who won’t understand. But I can’t stifle what’s flowing through me in order to protect my ego. Nor do I want to. I want to share my experience to let people know happy, healthy relationships don’t all function the same way. It may manifest unconventionally, non-traditional and unlike anything you’ve ever encountered. And it could very well still be fulfilling and lovely and right for you.
I started my year connecting with someone I love dearly about not only the love we’ve shared, but how we feel called to co-create it in our future. It left me feeling proud of who we were and who we are while also feeling energized and excited about who we are becoming.
I hope you’ve gone into this year feeling just as inspired about love and all the possibilities it holds for you.